3.3.16 Being stronger and independent...um

Something happened a few days ago that i didn't mention to Master. i didn't mention it because i'm supposed to be strong and independent, like Master wants me to be.

Today i mentioned it to Him because i didn't feel comfortable about holding it in, and i started to feel guilty about it. Isn't He supposed to know everything that is going on on my end. Especially since we are in this long distance. i mean communication is a must here. Right? If i don't tell Him, He won't know, and if He doesn't know then really what's the point?

So rules are now this. i am still to tell Him everything that is going on, but i am to try and handle the situation first. If i can't handle it, Master will direct me, and if that doesn't work then He will get involved.

i think several things about this. 1 i like the guidelines and knowing what i'm supposed to do, 2 i'm going to have to "get a set", and 3 i'm freaking the **** out.

i 100% absolutely hate hate hate telling anyone "no". i have no clue why that is. Wait, maybe i do....i have the fear of disappointment and of someone not liking me. Funny thing is i may not even know the person and i will fear they won't like me. How weird is that? Insane? Why do i care if someone i don't even know likes me or not?

Aside from all of that "no" business, i have the habit of allowing others to walk all over me and i seem to trust others too easily. Several have reached out to me saying they want to help Master and i. Every time there is an underlying meaning. Once scenario Master told me that they wanted to take me for them because i am such a good and dedicated sub. That comment is very true and really really made me feel proud. But, the only reason i am so dedicated is because i have such a great Master.

So, i have some a** kicking to do. Wish me luck.

i also have something new i am looking forward to experiencing. Wax. Oliver, with Masters approval, has ordered some candles and i am going to get to experience wax play. Of course i am sure pictures will follow.

Oh, and i've also had the pleasure of meeting some really nice ladies and i am looking forward to perhaps playing with them too. i need to talk to Master about this.................