3.31.16 March is over

Just a reflection.

This has been the best month, by far, for the Blog. i'm really very happy and excited and want to thank you for reading it.

The month has been fairly quiet. Some good things have been tried, some things have been learned. All good. The LDR is growing and changing as it should. Am i happy? Yes. Some change may scare me, but i know that Master and i will always and forever be connected. i know He won't leave me, nor i Him.

i know that as the weather gets warmer Master will have me doing other things. i will enjoy sharing them here.

When Master and i got into this LDR we knew it would be hard and sacrifices might have to be made, but we have made it work. A lot of people don't think it can. They think it's fake. Just a part time gig. We can honestly say that it does work and it's not fake. Our relationship is what we want it to be, and if you are curious about an LDR, you can make it yours too. In the end, it's so worth it.

3.30.16 LD Master and some sort of relationship with Oliver?

i spoke with Master today about having a "relationship" with Oliver. It had to be discussed, because technically i'm already in a relationship with Oliver. Just one that Master controls.

Many things were covered.

Master thinks perhaps someday i will want someone else to control me sexually. i can't argue that point because i may. i don't know.

Here is what has me concerned. Ok, i'm demi, so i'm attracted to Oliver. Granted. But i do worry about us investing all this time in each other and what if in the end it doesn't work out. i'm old for God sake! i hate to waste time in not finding someone i can enjoy my time with. i don't want to be alone forever. Another thing. i can never again be with someone who is vanilla. Oliver is not, clearly. So if i do have some sort of relationship with someone, "they" (hey ya' never know) would have to be a dominant.

On the other hand, it is key that Oliver is aware of Master and is fine with Him having control over me. It does work. So many pros and cons.

i've come to the decision that as of now i cannot give any one but Master sexual control over me. i'm simply just not ready. It isn't time. i enjoy the physical with Master, and at times i really need it. As i will always and forever need Him.

3.29.16 Long Distant Submissive: Feelings

Let me start with this.

When Master and i first were involved with each other, it was hard for me to control how i felt for Him. i could have said that i was "in" love with Him. Even though neither one of us want (nor had we ever) wanted a relationship where there is a "relationship" between us. We both wanted to stay exactly where we were mentally. He is very happy in parts of His vanilla world, as am i. That will never change. So my love for Him grew, but also changed.

i do love Him, but it's a different kind of feeling now. i love Him because He takes care of me and is my protector. He is my confidant. My Master. He has me do what is best. He knows me. Similar to a child loving a parent, but different. (Wow i hope whomever is reading this gets it)

Okay so, with all that being said, i'm not sure many know that i am a demi sexual.

Just to clear this up, a demi sexual is someone who cannot have sex with someone unless there is a mental connection.

Clearly i would have no trouble having sex with Master. The mental connection i have with Him is beyond words of explaining.

So anyway, when Master knew i needed something physical added into my life, it was difficult for me. At first it felt like cheating. i was worried that my connection (mental) with Master would change.

Master said it would change only if i allowed it to. i haven't, but i am wondering about another thing.

Being that i am a demi sexual, i am going to grow into connecting with a play partner. We did have a connection prior to playing because otherwise i wouldn't be able to do it. Master knows this as well.

So what if i wanted to start a relationship with a play partner? How would this happen? It would have to be someone who knew about Master, because Master would still be in control of me, and this person would have to be okay with that. Is this even feasible? Is it possible?

Much more to think on regarding this matter. Sometimes getting my thoughts down here is helpful...

3.28.16 Need a connection

The last few weeks have been quiet. Master has been very busy, and i have been very busy. We haven't had much time with each other. It's unfortunate that life gets in the way sometimes. Nothing that can be done about it. i can only imagine how our lives would be if we were closer. i often day dream of that. Some days i often wonder if that will come true. Being closer to each other. i know that being a full time submissive is what makes me happy, as i am happy now. i can't imagine how happy i would be submitting in person. The sheer thought of it makes me smile.

i think this week will be another busy week, but next Monday i believe i will be free. Hopefully Master and i can make a connection then.

What do i mean by a connection? Well, when Master connects with me physically i feel a better connection.

How does He do that? Wondering because of the LDR?

He has me do things. Physical things. Those physical things He has me do makes me connect to Him more mentally. It's hard to explain.

i think it's because when He has me do those physical things, it's an order. Not that i don't have orders during a regular day, but because it's a physical thing, it makes it stronger. More "there".

Do you have a way you reconnect with your Master? How can we help each other here? What tips do you have? Any? I'd always appreciate a tip. Even confidential. lovingbea1971@gmail.com.

Don't get me wrong. i am always connected to Him. Some days just feel stronger than others. i know that He feels it too. i think that when there is a good Dom/sub relationship, you can both feel it.

3.27.16 Exhausted

Crazy tired......

3.25.16 AND 3.26.16 Ugh and oops......

3.25.16

i didn't blog last night as i was supposed to. i, most likely, will be punished for it, but there was a reason i didn't.

A vanilla friend had come over. Her husband left her and she is distraught and still going through some major emotional issues. We sat at the kitchen table and drank vodka for 5 hours. Clearly when she left, i went to bed and passed out.

Made me think how lucky i am to have the relationship i do with Master. There are guidelines. i know what will come and what won't. i have no surprises unless they are good ones. Granted it is long distance, and i hope someday that will change, but i feel that i have never been happier in any vanilla relationship that i am now. This lifestyle, this Dom/sub relationship, is what i am and what i will always need.

3.26.16

Total vanilla day. The parental units are in amidst. Was working all day while my mother was in the office with me, and then going out to dinner with my mother and father soon. As i sit here and type about my lifestyle, the 2 of them are talking to me. i'm finding it quite funny. Dam, if they only knew - ha!!

Oliver is expected to come over later. We were unable to have sex the other night, well because of some stuff, and i'm hoping we can tonight. It is sad that he will be away for a week. i will be lonely and i will miss him as well. A lot.

So busy busy weekend. i hope Master is enjoying His weekend. i do think of Him constantly. As always, i look forward to Monday.

Until tomorrow, ..... Happy Easter!

3.24.16 Random thoughts

Crazy boring day today. Nothing is of interest. i want to get out of my office like nobody's business. The weather is too nice to be stuck inside all day. Take me to the beach!!!!

Yes, Master and i speak all day, but it has been just a regular day for us. Like in all relationships. Just general conversation. That's okay i'm not complaining at all. Nothing can be all crazy/woo hoo everyday. LDR's have "regular" days too. Hey we are normal ya' know! Just kinky!

i've been talking to a new friend that i met on Lit. He's now signed up on Fet and i think he is really enjoying it. i've seen some of his posts, etc. He is a Dom, but not one that wants anything but a friendship from me. Just someone to talk to about the lifestyle, ideas, and things like that. i like it.

Master has been thinking, today, of other things that i can do for Him. Like the next time i perform self bondage He wants me to be thinking of something specific. Something specifically about Him. i know i can think of one thing ;)!

We are also going to be launching a website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Master and i are both very excited about it. i do enjoy sharing what i go through as a long distance submissive. i'd like to ask if there is anything that you would like to know about, or have any questions, please reach out and ask. If you don't feel comfortable doing it publicly, my email address is

lovingbea1971@gmail.com

Please don't hesitate to reach out.

Random.....................Master said i could be *ucked tonight!!!! Please touch the g spot, please touch the g spot - LOL! 

A total major vanilla weekend is commencing in 3...2...1....! BLAH!!!!! The parental units will be in town visiting. i love them and all, but, well you know....................

3.23.16 Had to talk to Master about how i was feeling of late (...more on the LDR aspects)

As we all know, because i've said it a million times and i'm sure it's been read a million times, communication is one of the key things in an LDR.

Sometimes, well no all of the time, it's difficult for me to talk to Master. i never want to upset or disappoint Him and sometimes i feel He could be intimidating. i mean He gets this look on His face!

Yes, i hate the look but it's mostly because i hate His disappointment.

i had something on my mind that i needed to bring up with Him.

i have been feeling less "connected" with Him of late. i think it's because He has added Oliver as my play partner. So i feel as if my relationship with Master is more of a sexual one, than of a mental one.

Okay, are you confused? Lol. i know that i am not "exactly" physical with Master, but in a way i am because He is allowing Oliver as my play partner. Master is the one "organizing", per se, and allowing what is to be done to me. All He has me doing lately are physical things. No, i am in no way complaining, because the physical is fantastic, but i need the more Mental Master sometimes to feel the connection. Does that explain it better?

So i brought it up with Him. We discussed, and i described how i felt as best as i could, and He said He will think of something to help me.

So, yes, i stress over discussing things with Him, but i know in the end it's always the best thing to do. i feel much better.

If you feel you can never communicate your feelings or your thoughts to your Dom about something you might want to reconsider your relationship. Granted, i am nervous, but i always tell Him what i am thinking. If He doesn't know He can't help, the relationship will go sour and eventually end.

Our relationship has changed, as all relationships do. Progression..............

3.22.16 LDR Struggles

i will say that being in an LDR is so much more a mental thing (connection), than anything i've ever been involved in. As a submissive, i was/am so connected with Master that to think of doing something that i know He wouldn't like literally drives me with guilt. Is that just my character? Or is that the submissive in me? A little of both? Not sure?

i know we are all different. Each Master, each submissive, each relationship. We all have our own rules and guidelines. We all mess up, we all learn.

(No i am not saying that i messed up with something. i am just making a statement.)

i think that the demi-sexual in me has been fighting with the regular me. i struggle back and forth mentally with relationships and where i am supposed to be.

Like what if i potentially meet someone and really like them (of course the meet would have to be with Masters approval). Am i supposed to stay Masters single submissive forever? Would He ever allow a relationship? If He did allow a relationship, what kind would it be?

Is anyone else in the same situation?

These are the things that i am thinking about.

i have to think more on the matter.

3.21.16 Pictures from weekend that were approved!

3.20.16 My evening of experiencing a new kink

Oliver was here early. We like to hang. Ya' know aside from him being my play partner, he is a great friend. Cracks me the heck up sometimes too!

i was starving so he asked me where i wanted to go eat. Picked somewhere local. i felt the need to be in a familiar place. Not sure why. Maybe because i was nervous about what would happen later.

Had dinner, and laughs and then back to my place.

Oliver kinda got right to it. He started setting up the ropes immediately. He told me to get prepared. Which, of course, meant taking my clothes off, getting nude, and putting on the heels Master told me to wear.

i stood naked in front of Oliver, in my heels, as he started hanging the rope from the beams in my room. He put the cuffs on my wrists then connected me to the beam above. He then took a silk rope and strapped it onto the beam and then through my pussy. But.....on my pussy was a long piece of velcro. Sharp side rubbing against my pussy if i moved.

So because Master wanted me to be able to self bond myself, Oliver made sure that i could still easily get out of what he tied me in. i could, easily get out, that is.

i stood there, while Oliver watched, for the 15 minutes that Master wanted me to. i succeeded. But did feel the scrape of the velcro on my clit. i liked it.

After the 15 minutes, Oliver started hitting my body with the crop. It felt so so good. i've learned that i do really enjoy the crop. Very much so. It's a very different feeling than being slapped with a hand. The sting is different. Cleaner almost, if that makes any sense. Like crisp.

He then had me in several different positions while using my pussy.

After a small break, he told me to get the cheap table cloth i purchased. After laying it down on the floor, he had me kneel. He handcuffed my wrists behind my back, then cuffed my ankles together. He then connected the wrist cuffs to the ankle cuffs. i was stuck.

He then heated the (appropriate) wax. He poured it on my back and ass, and then my stomach and thighs.

Not sure what to say about the wax. i don't think it's my thing. Even Oliver commented on that. i agree. Granted, we are both inexperienced with the wax, so we should give it another go. After all we do have this box of wax!

Anyway, with the wax on my body, Oliver took the "wand" and made me cum over and over again. i begged him to stop because i couldn't take it anymore. He made me go one more time before finally stopping. i didn't use my safe word because i didn't want to. Had i, he would have stopped immediately.

Afterward, i completely collapsed.

my body is so crazy sore today. When i cum, everything goes tense so my muscles are hurting!

i really enjoyed the evening. Had fun, like Master told me to. i thank Him for allowing this to be done to me. He knows i need it. The physical.

After Master approves the pictures that were taken, i will post.

So......................pictures to follow!

3.19.16 Tonight is the night of trying something new.....wax and self bondage

Oliver just got here.

i'm really looking forward to tonight. i'm also very excited to share it with all of you. i gotta say 151 readers just on yesterdays submission (ha get it) was AWESOME!

i know pictures will follow of the experiences.

i'm not sure what i am looking forward to more????

i always remember being younger and playing with wax in my hand. i wonder if it will feel similar? Will it hurt and then ease into a nice warm feeling? i know i don't want to know where it's going. i think that would mentally prepare the spot. i don't want that. i'll mention it to Oliver at dinner.

Also, the self bondage....a twist in it if i relax. Yikes. But yay! Lol.

Have a kinky night............until tomorrow!

3.18.16 LDR is hard some days and the weekend :)

Being in a Dom/sub LDR is hard. It's a ton of work, and in my opinion, more work on the Doms side. 

i am a lot of work. i know this is true for several reasons. One, Master told me i was, and two, i know it's true. 

i feel that i have been very selfish lately. All i have been doing is talking to Master about what is going on with me and what i need help with. What can Oliver do and not do, etc. Not once have i asked Him if i can be of any use to Him. It's been about me, me, me lately. 

What brought me to this realization was a conversation i had with Master this afternoon. He, as always, asks me if i am okay. i told Him that i was down and we discussed some vanilla stuff briefly. i then mentioned to Him that i knew we were in a lull. He reminded me that He was working on it. i felt like i got smacked in the face. It occurred to me at that moment that i have not asked Him in a long time how He was. i asked. He was not having a good day. How selfish of me not to ask how He has been doing. i told Him i would do anything to take care of Him and make Him happy. i think that He knows that. i asked Him what i could do. You know what He told me? To have fun! 

Is this Man incredible or what? His concern went right back to me! Yea....i'm lucky! 

i hope Master knows how grateful i am for Him and how sorry i feel for being so selfish. i know He's busy and i need to remember that. 

Okay, so the weekend....................YAY! i'm going to have fun. Hey i was told to right? Lol! 

Oliver asked me to pick up some shower curtains. i think they will be used for the wax. Geez i hope so. i hope he's not planning on chopping me up and wrapping me up in the shower curtains and throwing me down the hill! Yikes! Ha! Just kidding. i think i'm good ;)!

i'm not sure what i am looking forward to more. The self bondage with Oliver watching to make sure i'm okay, or the wax play. i'm looking forward to posting the pictures from the weekend though. Very much so. 

In closing, i want to say that i know i am a very lucky submissive. Master cares about my happiness, as does Oliver. Yes, LDR is hard, but very, very worth it. Just remember that it does take tons of communication. It can be the best thing in your life. The best thing you've ever experienced. It has been for me.....................

3.17.16 My butt plug and stuff

Not sure if anyone noticed, but Oliver is now listed on my Fet page. Yes, he's a real person. Just sayin'.

Anyway, i was allowed to cum last night, but wasn't all that thrilling. Sucked actually. Barely came. i used the shower head. Didn't work like it used to. i used to use that all the time. Daily even. Clearly not daily anymore since now i need permission to cum. But i did ask again for tonight, but...

So when i woke this morning i was already horny because of the lack of strength i came the night before and needed/wanted more. While i was getting dressed Master told me that i had to wear my small plug today. The blue glass one. He knows that the immediate insertion will make me hornier. Makes my clit swell. (Still in btw) i also had to wear a loose fitting skirt today because my tattoo is bothering me while wearing pants. Luckily He said i could wear panties. i was nervous.

Here i am driving to work, i get in to my office and one of the male co workers tells me that i have something on my skirt. i knew immediately what it was. It's the lube i used to insert my plug! Oh my! i kiddingly joked that i must have peed myself and ran to the bathroom.

i wiped around the plug to clean off any extra lube that was still hanging around and went to my desk. i had to sit on my leg so i wouldn't touch another part of my skirt.

When Master finally got back from His meeting, i told Him what happened, and He told me to take off my panties. i did it at my desk - ha!

At lunch i asked if i could run out and go buy another pair to wear since mine still had the extra lube on them. He approved. i was nervous leaving because it was really windy out and i didn't want my loose skirt to rise up showing my bare ass and my plug. i held my skirt while i walked to my car, to the store, and back. i put the new panties on in the car.

Feeling much better, but i still have the plug in and i'm not allowed to take it out until i leave work!

Makes me wonder why He's made me wear it today too. As His sub, it's not my place to question and i know that He always has a reason for something. Maybe it's because He's told Oliver that He wants him to use my ass in someway this weekend and it needs to be trained. i haven't had anything in my ass for awhile now. i've missed it.

i know that Oliver has also contacted Master about what is going to be done to me this weekend. i'm excited and nervous, but know that i am in good hands. i'm a very lucky sub.

Talked to a new friend today on Yahoo. Came to me with an interesting story plot and he ran some ideas past me. Good idea i think. i hope he really does write something and it wasn't just some ploy to get me to "play", although if it was, he's pretty smart.

Looking forward. One more hour and the plug can be removed!

3.16.16 Dam Itchy and bored, ever wanna.......

.......be bad?

i want to sometimes. Like today for example. i'm so bored at work and looking for something to do, it makes me want to be bad to get some attention.

A couple of things run through my mind. What could i do to be bad, and what miserable punishment will i get doing it? Will the act make the punishment worth it? Honestly it would really have to be something terrific for me to be okay with a punishment. i absolutely hate Masters punishments. Aside from the fact that i hate disappointing Him. Yikes! He can give me the "eye" like no ones business. It frightens me. Seriously.

But, just for fun..........any suggestions on what i could do?

i suppose the only thing that i would maybe do (as in the worst for me because i'm a good sub) would be to have sex with Oliver and cum without asking. i wonder what kind of punishment i would get for that? i'll still never forget the worst punishment He ever gave me. Maybe that's why i never really do anything wrong. It was really really bad. i never want that again, ever!

My tattoo is so dam itchy! It's driving me insane!!!!! Grrrrrr

3.15.16 Lines clarified and what this weekend will entail

So because Master allows me to have a play partner there are some fine lines.

• i wanted to know if i can have sex on the weekends if i can't get permission from Master (yet to be determined - but i was told i wouldn't be allowed to cum)
• Do i call Oliver Sir in the appropriate moments. Answer was yes. 
• Is Oliver to punish me at all ever? Answer was no. 

i was also told that if Oliver is hanging at my place, he is not to interfere with my routines or anything else that Master has told me to do. 

As of now, i can't think of any other questions that i might have pertaining to sex. 

i do have another question though. What am i supposed to experience physically with Oliver? Or anything at all? Or just my need to be with someone physical? Am i to experience what a "dom" does to a sub physically? Have that "true" experience? i don't know. i've reached out to Master to ask. 

*update: Master says i am to experience these other things with Oliver because they are things He wants to do to me and things that He wants to see me do.*

This weekend should be real fun! i am to do some self bondage. i am to do it with Oliver being with me for the first time just to make sure that i am okay. i am to hang from the beam again, with a pair of high heels on. Included in that will be a rope that is not "comfortable" to lean on. It will be tied around the beam and loop under my pussy. When i relax from the beam, this "uncomfortable" rope is to make me stop relaxing and continue to be in a position that Master wants me to be in. It will bother my pussy, forcing me to straighten up again. i'm only to do it for a short period of time, as a first step. i wonder how long Master will make me do it for after i succeed doing it this time? 

Oliver and i are also going to do some wax play. i'm really looking forward to that as well. Master has allowed me to be fucked and to cum after! 

i'm sure that Master will require pictures. Hopefully i will be allowed to post them. 

3.14.15 Test

Some things haven't posted since the 9th

3.14.16 my Monday, and since you all like pictures ;)...

...i'll give you one at the end.

Had a good day. Master, for my birthday, bought me a gift card for a massage. i finally was able to get one. It was so very nice and relaxing. It lasted throughout the day. Ahhhh, could use more. ;)

Oliver came over in the afternoon and we worked on some stuff around my place. All good. We had fun. Honestly, any time spent with him is fun. We always have a good time, vanilla or not. i'm very lucky to have him in my life and i'm very lucky that Master is in approval. i know Master is concerned about my happiness.

It's difficult in an LDR, but when you have the proper Master it can all work out. Oliver knows about Master so everything really works out well. Oliver has contacted Master about certain things and vice versa. Master has discussed with Oliver what He wants and what He doesn't. For a sub in an LDR, it's perfect. Again, i am very, very lucky.

my tattoo feels so much different than the first. Not sure why? It might peel. my first didn't. See what happens. Ok, so here is a pic, granted an oldie, but still ;).......

3.13.16 This blog and my Sunday

Sunday first. Easy day, but emotional. Sometimes the vanilla part makes me that way. Wish i could have spent majority of it outside, but the sun didn't feel like coming out. Perhaps sometimes that's how we all should be. Take a day of rest. Don't come out, stay inside. Recoup, recenter.

So this blog.

It's meant for me to discuss my LDR with Master. It's meant to discuss a Dom/sub relationship from a distance and how we work it. i'm going to concentrate on that more. i'm also hoping to post more pictures because i can see that is what interests some. If there are any requests, please let me know. If there are any topics, please let me know. Any suggestion at all...

Being in a LDR is hard. Master and i have made it work for almost a year and a half now. We are still working on it. We have our ups and downs, but somehow we work through it all and come out better in the end. We both learn and grow from it. The same mistake has never happened twice.

i've made plenty of mistakes. None intentional, and i'm sure i will make more. i'm not a perfect sub, but i am a very dedicated one. Master never leaves my mind, my heart or my soul.

Yes, in the past i've said i need Him, and i still do, but it's different now. In the past i needed Him more, differently. i think me being stronger and more independent has helped that. It's what He wants, after all.

i've not heard from Him at all this weekend, and i'm okay. i know He will be there tomorrow. i'm not worried. We are good. i am safe. i am secure.

3.12.16 Saturday

Great day. Oliver came over. Went on a 3 mile hike, had yogurt, dinner, all good. Sometimes he really cracks me the heck up. i was laughing like a hyena in the middle of the woods. Too funny.

Tattoo is sore as anything. Yikes. Hope this one doesn't peel. The first one never did. Have to make sure it stays moisturized.

Some random person asked me he hoped Master would approve of us having coffee together. He was from Fet. Don't even know who he is????? Crazy peeps! Ha.

Not much else to say. Well there is, but Oliver is still here and looking over my shoulder so i will write tomorrow.

3.11.16 Tattoo and edited story

This one is much different than the first one i got. It's bigger by 2" and burns more. i am very pleased though. It's something that i drew myself, as i drew my first. It's a compass, my version, and it represents what Master does for me. He is always leading me in the right direction. There is more, but sometimes i like to keep things to myself (and Master).

Master and i had a very quiet week this week. Just performed my regular duties, no play, no drama. Just regular. Well other than the "boy" drama on Lit we had, but sometimes Master enjoys that. Ha! i did have a strange request this morning though. Someone had asked me to be something for them, that was clearly something that i could not be. Made me wonder if people really know what they are reading about when they look at profiles? i saw a few other posts today on Fet about the same thing.

As always, i hate Fridays because i don't have as much contact with Master, but i will make it :). Oliver will be over tomorrow. i'll look forward to seeing him. It'll be vanilla though.......

A friend that i met on Lit, "Nicefella", took the time and edited my story for me. He did a fantastic job:

Master’s Menage

 

He is her Master. They’ve been together for a while now. Both enjoy each other and the relationship they have between them.

 

Even through the ups and downs - it all works out in the end.  Lessons are learned as they move forward, bettered by her servitude to Him.

 

He sees her once a year. She will take any time with Him.

 

But this year promises to be different. She knows ahead of time when He is coming and she counts the days. She knows what she needs to do to prepare. A shaved pussy, nipple piercings healed, her flower trained.

 

She awaits her instruction and receives it with the virginal eagerness of a pubescent school girl craving carnal heat: She’s to wear a short tight black dress, no bra or panties, and her highest heels. He knows that she loves the feel of the cool air on her cunt and she knows others will look at her with her nipples protruding from the piercings. It makes her shy, but at the same time very turned on.

 

He sends a car for her. She doesn’t know where she is going, but has full trust in the Man who owns her. The driver pulls into a club. He opens the door for her. She offers her hand and he takes it, helping her out of the car. He gets a whiff of her scent. Seductive. He breathes in deeply. He tips his head as she walks by and looks at her ripe bare ass under her tight dress as she proceeds to the front door of the club. His cock immediately gets hard: He envisions bending her over his car, sucking on her pussy lips from behind and filling her pretty, tight pussy with his cum. He shakes his head as he enters the car and rubs his cock thinking of her.  He will no doubt do more when he gets home.

 

She enters the club and looks for Him. She doesn’t see Him so she heads for the bar. As she sits, the bartender offers her a dirty martini. She looks up at him surprised. The bartender tells her someone bought it for her. She knows it was Him.

 

He is here. She feels him there and instinctively stands and looks around.  Her entire body fills up with heat and desire.  Her pussy immediately begins to swell and throb and her breathing deepens. She looks around hungrily while finishing her drink, but does not see Him.  She crosses her legs and feels her cunt lips dripping with the thought of His hands on her.

 

She proceeds to the dance floor so she can search the other side of the club. She feels someone rub up against her ass. She turns quickly in hopes that He has found her.  But it is a woman. Pretty with long black wavy hair and nice curves. She is wearing a purple dress that barely contain her large tits. Just enough to make anyone want to reach out and touch them.

Several things run through her head at this moment. She knows her Master is here, somewhere, watching. She knows He has always wanted to watch her with another woman. She contemplates briefly on what to do. 

 

With the encouragement of the vodka, she chooses the woman. She begins to dance with her. It’s a fast song. The strange woman grabs her waist and beings to grind her pussy against her leg, throwing her head back, her long hair touching the top of her ass. They dance around each other, touching as they move. Her pussy is wet, throbbing as the stranger grazes by her pierced nipples.

 

The feeling is so good, and so erotic. The stranger grabs the back of her neck, looks into her eyes and kisses her deep, thrusting her tongue into her mouth. The taste is sweet, enticing. She wonders if Master is watching and the thought of tasting more crosses her mind.  She craves the touch of a woman. Wants to feel the soft flitter of a tongue on her cunt.  The gentle feminine tweak of a nipple. She knows if this woman keeps touching her she will lose control. She is losing control.

 

Someone grabs her on the arm and spins her around mid-kiss. It’s Him! His face is stern. He grabs her by the back of the hair pushing her head up and forcefully kisses her in front of the stranger.  He then forcefully leads her off of the dance floor, his fingers digging into the soft skin of her arm.  She catches her breath and does not know what He is thinking or feeling.  Her pussy lips are hot, swollen and rubbing against each other as she is hurriedly and aggressively led by Him.

 

He leads her to a private room at the back of the club. The room is dimly lit. It has a black leather couch in it along with some tables. She notices some rope in the corner. She begins to speak, but Master grabs her chin hard and orders her to strip.

 

She does as she’s asked, without saying a word. She stands before Him completely naked. He notices her pussy dripping. She’s shamefully so very wet. She hangs her head as the music from the club vibrates through her ears. 

 

He places her on the black leather couch and gruffly orders her to spread her legs so He can see her pulsating throbbing cunt. She spreads her legs for Him, showing Him her shameful wetness dripping out of her cunt.  He takes two pieces of rope and makes knots around each ankle. He then takes each end and ties it to the legs of the couch, forcing her legs to spread even more and so that she can’t close them.

 

He blindfolds her, telling her that she will be punished for getting wet, for it is only with Him that she is to be that way. With Him, or with His permission. She did not ask. She hears something. Something long that Master rubs His hand up and down.  She hopes it is His cock.

 

She suddenly feels a sharp painful sensation right below her clit.  She screams out in pain. The pain comes again.  Master whips her pussy hard.  She knows she deserves the punishment, but the pain is making her cunt wetter. She feels the splatter of her silky cunt juices on her stomach as Master whips her again.  He spanks her over and over again until she begs for release. She begs her Master to cum -- she wants to cum for Him.

 

He stops. She hears the door open and she stiffens. Master has never allowed another with them. What is He doing? He reaches over and gently touches her head, reminding her that she can trust Him. She affectionately nuzzles against his fingers.

 

Then, she feels a gentle wet touch on her clit. She knows it’s not her Masters tongue. This is different. Gentle. Soft.  She feels this velvety tongue slide in and out of her pussy, lapping up her silky juices.

 

She then feels soft fingers gently pulling on her nipples. Mmm, she moans. Her hair gets tugged back and she instinctively opens her mouth.  A deep kiss envelopes her mouth and she recognizes the kiss. It’s the strange woman she just kissed on the dance floor.  Knowing that she is here - licking her pussy and kneading her nipples causes her clit to swell fuller.

 

The stranger again kneels before her and sucks her clit, her tongue licking her cunt back and forth. She takes a single finger and slowly pushes it into her flower. The sensation is overwhelming: She moans and begs her Master to allow her to cum. In between shallow breaths, she begs Him over and over again.  The stranger’s tongue fucks her deeper and her finger unrelentingly stretches her flower.  She needs to climax in the worst way.  She begs and pleads, loudly, her hands blindly reaching around for her One.  

 

She is about to erupt when He stops the stranger.  

 

Master removes the blindfold. Her face is red and sweaty around her eyes.  He tells the stranger that he wants His sub to watch her pussy be licked and her flower stretched by a woman.  The stranger moans and moves towards her - Master grabs the stranger by her throat and pushes her towards the door, telling her to leave.  The stranger looks at Master quizzically and leaves, undoubtedly craving the taste of Master’s sub.   

 

She is finally alone with the One.  He removes His belt, unbuttons His pants and lets them fall to the )oor. He bends, kisses her softly and then takes her by the back of her head so she is forced to look into His eyes. He tells her that He owns her cunt, her flower and her pleasure.

 

Only Him. She should do well to remember that, He tells her. She nods with the excitement, her voice breathy and her cunt throbbing.

 

He wants to know what she can do to make up for her mistake. Still looking up at her Master, she opens her mouth. Her Master smiles gently. He puts His cock in her mouth and fucks it. He loves His subs tongue. He loves the swirling heat of His sub’s slutty mouth around his hard cock.  He forcefully pumps his cock into her innocent mouth, hitting the back of her throat. He could release down her lovely throat but stops.  

Her legs are still spread and held back by the ropes.  He lowers himself and pushes his large, veiny cock into her cunt and thrusts hard.  As he pumps her hard, he reminds her that He is her Master and her one and only pleasure. Only Him, always Him.  She clutches onto him with her hands, telling him that she will always be his only and only slut.  She would give him anything he wanted.  Anything at all.

 

 He knows she won’t last much longer. She begs Him for release.  He gives it to her. He shoots His hot cum deep inside her pulsating cunt.  He can feel her pussy squeeze His hard cock as He cums.

 

She’s weak with release. He unties her, puts His coat around her and carries her to the car. She needs rest. He has a long night planned for her.

3.10.16 Some people are such jerks, and other stuff

So some "dom" (note the lower case letter), whom i've spoken with before in the past was a real ***hole today.

Apparently, after a few brief messages back and forth, think he's the "master" "dom", and no sub can resist or say no to him. One word.................FUCKTARD.

He literally said that the sound of his voice would make me want to be his. i had a little puke in my mouth. Oh, wait, wait......he also has 2 "supermodel" subs. Ok, sorry, now i'm sure you have puke in your mouth. Why, if he had 2 "supermodel" subs would he be on Lit looking for another. Yea....exactly.

Sorry for the rant, but i just had too. After some point Master got involved. i don't think it wasn't that i wasn't strong enough but i just couldn't handle it so well. Not like Master would anyway. He truly does make me strong, but He can rip apart anyone like no ones business. The thought of it scares me. Yikes.

Any who...............getting my new tattoo tomorrow. Nervous but excited. Same as before when getting my other. i should probably post a pic of my other one too, but it's so personal that i'm not sure if i should? i mean i drew it myself and all. It's not something "typical". So i guess someone that knows me and sees it, well.......................

3.9.16 Pic of Nipple Piercings and Other stuff

For some reason someone had stated that my piercings weren't posted. So i've attached a pic of one. Enjoy! i truly love them. Master put them there. i love the feeling of them. Especially when they are played with. my sensitivity has increased and it's just amazing!

i'm also scheduled to get my second tattoo this Friday at noon. The tattoo has meaning for Him. Not that the first one didn't, by any means, but this one more so. i've drawn it myself too, which makes it even more special. i'm not sure if i mentioned i drew the first one as well, but i did.

So this morning Master couldn't choose my clothing. i was amazed at what difficulty i had choosing it myself. Not that i don't do it on the weekends, but for some reason it was hard. i'm so used to Him choosing during the week. It felt funny. i think i tried on 4 or 5 outfits before i selected the one i was going to wear. i know counting on Him to make decisions for me is huge, but this simple thing amazed me. i know i'm supposed to be stronger and more dependent, and i am, but i don't think in this case i wasn't. i just think it's just a matter of Masters routine.

Something funny? Every time i type the word "you" in my "vanilla world", i have to type it twice. The first time i always type "Y"ou, and have to redo it to say "y"ou. Just something stupid funny.

i've spoken with a few people on Lit today. One man, a switch, wanted to chat with me but found it difficult because i couldn't "play" with him. i'm happy at least that the respect was there. i sincerely appreciate that. i know Master did as well. Put a smile on my face.

Still trying to physically meet up with a woman. i guess i should let some of the women know that i just can't "jump" into anything with them. i have to get to know them first. Being part of being a demi and all. Although, maybe i'm wrong. i will have to see after i meet someone. Maybe it's different with a woman?

i'm going to also try and post this blog on my Tumblr account. See what happens. i'd like to "get out there" more. Hee Hee Hee!

3.8.16 My erotic short story..

Little nervous about this as i've never written a story before. If anyone is to comment, please be kind. i'd appreciate that.

He is her Master.

They’ve been together for a while now. Both enjoying each other and the relationship they have between them. Even through the ups and downs. All works out in the end. Lessons are learned and not forgotten. They move forward. Better.

He sees her once a year. She will take any time with Him.

This year will be different.

She knows ahead of time when He is coming and she counts the days. She knows what she needs to do to prepare. A shaved pussy, nipple piercings healed, her asshole trained.

She waits for instruction.

She’s received it.

She’s to wear a short black dress, no panties, no bra, and her highest heels. He knows wearing no bra or panties will make her wet. She loves the feel of the air on her pussy and she knows others will look at her with her nipples protruding from the piercings. It makes her shy, but at the same time very 

turned on.

He sends a car for her. She doesn’t know where she is going, but has full trust in the Man who owns her.

The driver pulls into a club. He opens the door for her. She offers her hand and he takes it, helping her out of the car. He gets a whiff of her scent. Seductive. He breathes in deeply. He tips his head as she walks by and looks at her bare ass under her dress as she proceeds to the front door of the club. He wants to bend her over his car and fuck her. His cock immediately gets hard with the thought. He shakes his head as he enters the car, knowing he will tug on his cock, thinking of her, when he gets home.

She enters the club and looks for Him. She doesn’t see Him so she heads for the bar.

As she sits, the bartender offers her a dirty martini. She looks up at him surprised. The bartender tells her someone bought it for her. She knows it was Him. He is here.

She stands and looks around. Suddenly her entire body fills up with heat and desire. She can feel His presence. Her pussy immediately begins to swell and throb and her breathing becomes shallow.

She continues to look while finishing her drink, but still cannot find Him. She is practically dripping with the thought of His hands on her.

She proceeds to the dance floor so she can access the other part of the club. She feels someone rub up against her ass. She turns quickly in hopes that He’s found her.  

It’s not Him. It’s a woman.

The woman is pretty. Long black hair, slightly wavy. Nice curves. She is wearing a purple dress that has her tits spilling over the top. Just enough to make anyone want to reach out and touch them.

Several things run through her head at this moment. She knows her Master is here, somewhere, watching. She knows He has always wanted to watch her with another woman. She contemplates briefly on what to do.

With the encouragement of the vodka, she chooses the woman.

She begins to dance with her. It’s a fast song. The strange woman grabs her waist and beings to grind her pussy up against her leg, throwing her head back, her long hair touching the top of her ass.

They dance around each other, touching as they move. Her pussy is wet, throbbing as the stranger grazes by her pierced nipples. The feeling is so good, so erotic.

The stranger then grabs the back of her neck, looks into her eyes and kisses her deep, thrusting her tongue into her mouth. The taste is sweet, enticing. She wonders if Master is watching and the thought of tasting more crosses her mind.  She craves the touch of a woman. Wants to feel the soft flitter of a tongue on her cunt. The gentle tweak of a nipple. She knows if this woman keeps touching her she will lose control.

Something grabs her on the arm and spins her around mid-kiss. It’s Him! His face is stern. Her face is red, both from embarrassment and excitement. Her pussy is aroused and so very wet. He forcefully leads her off of the dance floor and away from all of the other men watching the two women play with each other.

Stopping briefly, He grabs her by the back of the hair pushing her head up and forcefully kisses her. He then continues to lead her to a room, private, at the back of the club.

The room is dimly lit. It has a black leather couch in it along with some tables. She notices some rope in the corner.

She begins to speak, but her Master places His fingers over her lips. He orders her to strip. She does as she’s asked, without saying a word. She then stands before Him completely naked. He notices her pussy dripping. She’s shamefully so very wet. She hangs her head.

He takes her by the arm and places her on the black leather couch. Orders her to spread her legs open so He can see the shameful wetness.

She spreads her legs for Him, showing Him all the juice that is dripping out of her cunt.

He takes two pieces of rope and makes knots around each ankle. He then takes each end and ties it to the legs of the couch, forcing her legs to spread even more and so that she can’t close them. He then blindfolds her.

He tells her she will be punished for getting wet, for it is only with Him that she is to be that way. With Him, or with His permission. She did not ask.

She hears something. Something long that Master rubs His hand up and down. Suddenly a sharp pain hits her pussy. She screams out in pain. The pain comes again. Her pussy is being whipped. She knows she deserves the punishment, but the pain is making her wetter. Her Master whips her again and she can feel the splatter of her pussy juice on her stomach. He spanks her over and over again until she begs for release. She begs her Master to cum, she wants to cum for Him.

He stops.

She hears the door open and she stiffens. Master has never allowed another with them. What is He doing?

He walks over to her, gently touching her head, reminding her that she can trust Him. Without saying a word, He knows she does.

Then, she feels a gentle wet touch on her clit. She knows it’s not her Masters tongue. This is different. More gentle, soft. She feels this tongue slide in and out of her pussy. Feeling her juices being lapped up. She then feels gentle fingers pulling on her nipples. Hmmmmmm, she moans. Her head is tugged back so her mouth opens. She feels a deep kiss. She recognizes this kiss. It’s the woman she just kissed on the dance floor. She is here and licking her pussy and touching her. Knowing this causes her clit to swell more. The woman kneels before her and sucks her clit, taking it into her mouth, licking her cunt back and forth. She takes a single finger and puts it up her asshole. The sensation is all too overwhelming. She begs her Master to allow her to cum. She begs Him over and over again.

Her Master removes the blindfold. He wants His sub to watch her pussy be licked by a woman. Watch her asshole and pussy be finger fucked.

She is about to climax when He stops the stranger. Pushing her away and making her leave the room.

Standing before the woman He owns He removes His belt, unbuttons His pants and lets them fall to the floor. He bends, kisses her softly and then takes her by the back of her head so she is forced to look into His eyes and tells her that He owns her pleasure. Only Him. She should do well to remember that.

He wants to know what she can do to make up for her mistake. Still looking up at her Master, she opens her mouth. Her Master smiles gently. He puts His cock in her mouth and fucks it. He loves His subs tongue. He loves the heat of it, the swirling around His hard cock, hitting the back of her throat. He wants to release down her long lovely throat but He stops. Still, while her legs are spread and held back by the ropes, He fucks her pussy. Hard. Showing her that He is her Master, He is her pleasure. Only Him, always Him.

He knows she won’t last much longer. She begs Him for release. He gives it to her. He shoots His hot cum deep inside her. He can feel her pussy squeeze His hard cock as He cums.

She’s weak with release. He unties her, puts His coat around her and carries her to the car. She needs rest. He has a long night planned for her. 

3.7.16 Sunday update and Monday, ugh

So Sunday Oliver came over. i had to work, but we had a good afternoon. Went for a hike and then came back to my place and had sex. No, not regular vanilla sex, but not "play" sex either. i needed to be fucked and it felt good. i'm lucky Master approved. He knows what i need and when.

So today at 4 am i woke with a migraine. A bad one. One worse than last week. i've been getting them a lot lately and i don't know why. i had to go to a job interview. i managed okay i think. Send good wishes that i get it.

It was great to be able to talk to Master at will again. i always love a Monday. Although, when i got home......................

i was punished. i didn't finish part of my weekend homework.

Master wanted me to write a short erotic story and i didn't finish it. It was started, but the climax just didn't get done. i needed to think. But it doesn't matter. i was given an order and didn't complete it. So therefore i was punished.

Master made me finish the story while i had the wand on my pussy. He wouldn't allow me to cum until i begged and begged. Needless to stay the story has been completed, and the lesson has been learned. my delay will never happen again.

i'm not sure if the story will be published. i'll have to ask Master tomorrow and see what He says. Oliver read it, as well as my BFF, and they both said it was good. i'm not so sure. i've really never written a story before. my BFF says i should write erotica. Eh, i don't know. See what the future holds i suppose.

3.6.16 Working on my homework

i have something easy to do when i get home. Take a picture of my highest pair of heels. The short story, on the other hand, is not so easy. i'm a perfectionist. i keep going back and erasing and redoing, etc. i hope i finish it in time.

i also have yet to come up w/ 3 other positions for self bondage. Hang from ceiling and hog tie are the only two. i have a busy afternoon ahead of me.

i simply could not fuck Oliver last night. i have no idea what happened but i was completely wiped out by the time He got there. i fell asleep on him. So much for cumming and having sex, huh?

He's over again this afternoon, so maybe???????????????? i'd love him to find my g spot again! Dam that felt so good!!!! Yummyyyyyyyy!!!!! i do think of the feeling quite often.

It's strange, but i've been sending a female Dom in Russia pictures of my feet and toes. Master approved and she likes them. i've taken a few more shots and will be sending them over to her soon. i hope they are good. How do you take an erotic shot of feet anyway? i've also connected with a woman her happens to live in Northern NJ as well, and i hope to meet with her soon. i hope we connect physically. i'm very excited about the possibility. Thoughts of being with a woman alone makes me wet.

Oh, anyone have a good name for a website if i were to get one? i can't think of a darn thing!!!!!

As always, i'm looking forward to Monday.

3.5.16 Day was...

..crazy ass long.

Did some family stuff and now i'm exhausted.

Oliver is here right now. i have permission to have sex. i'd like it. i want it. See what happens ;).

3.4.16 Homework and stuff

i have lots of homework to do this weekend. One of the assignments has something to do with the picture above.

At the end of every month i have to write a report for Master on a subject of my choosing. But, the subject has to be something that He would have interest in. Last month, February, i had to write more on self bondage. i did write a report on self bondage at some point prior, but because it is something Master actually wants me to do, i had to enhance the report.

i couldn't figure out how to actually write the report because it was more pictures on how to and not verbiage. So instead of writing something, i have to come up with 5 scenarios on how i can do it. i know the above picture will be one of them. Now to come up with 4 others.....

i also need to come up with a subject for March. Hmmmmmm. Have to give that one some thought.

i also have to send Master a picture of my highest heels, as well as write a short erotic story. Some people that i have spoken with say that they think i write well. Master seems to want to test that theory. Maybe if it's good enough i will post it.

i've enjoyed meeting some new people on Lit of late. i've met a few women that i am hoping to meet and perhaps connect with. Finally. After years of looking could it actually be happening????? i'm very excited.

What else, let's see. Master and i have discussed getting me a website. i need to think of a good name. Any ideas? i'd like to incorporate my lovingbea name as well as being Masters submissive.

As always it's..........Friday. Blah. But i will be busy :)

3.3.16 Being stronger and independent...um

Something happened a few days ago that i didn't mention to Master. i didn't mention it because i'm supposed to be strong and independent, like Master wants me to be.

Today i mentioned it to Him because i didn't feel comfortable about holding it in, and i started to feel guilty about it. Isn't He supposed to know everything that is going on on my end. Especially since we are in this long distance. i mean communication is a must here. Right? If i don't tell Him, He won't know, and if He doesn't know then really what's the point?

So rules are now this. i am still to tell Him everything that is going on, but i am to try and handle the situation first. If i can't handle it, Master will direct me, and if that doesn't work then He will get involved.

i think several things about this. 1 i like the guidelines and knowing what i'm supposed to do, 2 i'm going to have to "get a set", and 3 i'm freaking the **** out.

i 100% absolutely hate hate hate telling anyone "no". i have no clue why that is. Wait, maybe i do....i have the fear of disappointment and of someone not liking me. Funny thing is i may not even know the person and i will fear they won't like me. How weird is that? Insane? Why do i care if someone i don't even know likes me or not?

Aside from all of that "no" business, i have the habit of allowing others to walk all over me and i seem to trust others too easily. Several have reached out to me saying they want to help Master and i. Every time there is an underlying meaning. Once scenario Master told me that they wanted to take me for them because i am such a good and dedicated sub. That comment is very true and really really made me feel proud. But, the only reason i am so dedicated is because i have such a great Master.

So, i have some a** kicking to do. Wish me luck.

i also have something new i am looking forward to experiencing. Wax. Oliver, with Masters approval, has ordered some candles and i am going to get to experience wax play. Of course i am sure pictures will follow.

Oh, and i've also had the pleasure of meeting some really nice ladies and i am looking forward to perhaps playing with them too. i need to talk to Master about this.................

3.2.16 Still owned

Long day.

i got reminded what Master wanted me to be.  Strong and Independent. Not weak and needy and dependent. Which is how i've been.

i thought He wanted me one way when i was supposed to be another.

i've been annoying Him with needless things. Unnecessary bs because i thought it was what He wanted. Lesson learned. Guess on both ends. We should have communicated better.

i think i need to go over things with Him again. What He expects of me, just so that i know that i am on the same page. Just to make sure.

i guess perhaps all, or most, relationships go through a reevaluation of sorts? Can be a good thing. Maybe all relationships should make a point of it? Start fresh. Everyone on the same page, thinking the same thing. No surprises.

i like to know where i stand. Always....

3.1.16 Way to start off March - woo hoo

Yea, no.

Today sucked.

Welcome back from vacation Master. Let me stress You out! Yea...........awesome. (Sense the sarcasm?)

The morning started off out pretty good. Glad He was back. 'Course seems like i had some sort of an issue right off the bat. No "Hey how was your vacation Master? Did You have a fantastic time? Tell me all about it."

Well maybe not an issue, more like needy. i told Him i missed Him and that i needed Him. He told me He knows i do. Day continued. Morning continued. Before lunch i told Him about a piece of jewelry that i had repaired by an ex boyfriend. The one who i was abused by. Why did i have it repaired? Maybe it was out of habit. i wore it for 7 years. A long time. i guess i missed it. Symbolically it feels to me as if i belong to someone. Maybe i wanted to belong to Master, physically.

He was away and i had a physical weekend with someone that was not Him.

It was a hard mental weekend after being hung and whipped. i tried to hide some of my feelings from Oliver because i thought that maybe Master should be the only one for me to release them too. Maybe i'm wrong.

The experience was very good. i enjoyed it and would like to do it more, and again. But....i thought Master would be the only one who would know how to comfort me. So i held back my emotion. Guess it built up over the 2 days that Master was unavailable. Didn't know it was happening. So when He became available to me, i became very needy.

But.......the needy has been building up a lot and for a long time. The needy and the dependency.

Here's the thing.

Master and i both wanted "more". He wanted more control and i wanted to give it to Him. Anything. Everything.

So the more i gave Him, the more needy and dependent i became. i became a "weakling". Someone who could make no decision on her own. Someone, who even knew what decision her Master would want, still didn't make that decision on her own because she thought her Master wanted to do that for her. She acted like a "weakling" because she thought that's the kind of control He wanted.

Turns out i was wrong. Turns out i may loose Him over it.

i know i became too needy and very dependent on Him, and that is exactly not what He wanted, or wants. He wants me to "be independent and strong". Not what i became.

i've made a mistake.

Here's the thing that maybe i don't understand. He wants more control and i want Him to have it, so how do i be strong and independent and give him the independence and the strength He wants me to have? Oxymoron?

So on top of some of the conversation that we had today, He said that maybe Oliver should perhaps be involved more. He was very broad on describing what, and that really made me upset and confused, as well as scared.

When Master said something about giving Oliver "something", i immediately got upset. i mean i didn't "sign up" for that. i signed up for Him.

After thinking things through and talking to some friends and rereading what Master had said, i feel better. i know that Master will always do best by me and i shouldn't have done what i did. Shouldn't have reacted like i did.

So, at the end of the day, and after a very long run, a lesson has been learned. Part of a relationship right? Granted i may have seriously stressed Him out and f'ed everything up, but still, i learned something. So going forward, i know.

i will always know He will always be one of the best. A great man this one.................