Just a reflection.
This has been the best month, by far, for the Blog. i'm really very happy and excited and want to thank you for reading it.
The month has been fairly quiet. Some good things have been tried, some things have been learned. All good. The LDR is growing and changing as it should. Am i happy? Yes. Some change may scare me, but i know that Master and i will always and forever be connected. i know He won't leave me, nor i Him.
i know that as the weather gets warmer Master will have me doing other things. i will enjoy sharing them here.
When Master and i got into this LDR we knew it would be hard and sacrifices might have to be made, but we have made it work. A lot of people don't think it can. They think it's fake. Just a part time gig. We can honestly say that it does work and it's not fake. Our relationship is what we want it to be, and if you are curious about an LDR, you can make it yours too. In the end, it's so worth it.
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
3.30.16 LD Master and some sort of relationship with Oliver?
i spoke with Master today about having a "relationship" with Oliver. It had to be discussed, because technically i'm already in a relationship with Oliver. Just one that Master controls.
Many things were covered.
Master thinks perhaps someday i will want someone else to control me sexually. i can't argue that point because i may. i don't know.
Here is what has me concerned. Ok, i'm demi, so i'm attracted to Oliver. Granted. But i do worry about us investing all this time in each other and what if in the end it doesn't work out. i'm old for God sake! i hate to waste time in not finding someone i can enjoy my time with. i don't want to be alone forever. Another thing. i can never again be with someone who is vanilla. Oliver is not, clearly. So if i do have some sort of relationship with someone, "they" (hey ya' never know) would have to be a dominant.
On the other hand, it is key that Oliver is aware of Master and is fine with Him having control over me. It does work. So many pros and cons.
i've come to the decision that as of now i cannot give any one but Master sexual control over me. i'm simply just not ready. It isn't time. i enjoy the physical with Master, and at times i really need it. As i will always and forever need Him.
Many things were covered.
Master thinks perhaps someday i will want someone else to control me sexually. i can't argue that point because i may. i don't know.
Here is what has me concerned. Ok, i'm demi, so i'm attracted to Oliver. Granted. But i do worry about us investing all this time in each other and what if in the end it doesn't work out. i'm old for God sake! i hate to waste time in not finding someone i can enjoy my time with. i don't want to be alone forever. Another thing. i can never again be with someone who is vanilla. Oliver is not, clearly. So if i do have some sort of relationship with someone, "they" (hey ya' never know) would have to be a dominant.
On the other hand, it is key that Oliver is aware of Master and is fine with Him having control over me. It does work. So many pros and cons.
i've come to the decision that as of now i cannot give any one but Master sexual control over me. i'm simply just not ready. It isn't time. i enjoy the physical with Master, and at times i really need it. As i will always and forever need Him.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
3.29.16 Long Distant Submissive: Feelings
Let me start with this.
When Master and i first were involved with each other, it was hard for me to control how i felt for Him. i could have said that i was "in" love with Him. Even though neither one of us want (nor had we ever) wanted a relationship where there is a "relationship" between us. We both wanted to stay exactly where we were mentally. He is very happy in parts of His vanilla world, as am i. That will never change. So my love for Him grew, but also changed.
i do love Him, but it's a different kind of feeling now. i love Him because He takes care of me and is my protector. He is my confidant. My Master. He has me do what is best. He knows me. Similar to a child loving a parent, but different. (Wow i hope whomever is reading this gets it)
Okay so, with all that being said, i'm not sure many know that i am a demi sexual.
Just to clear this up, a demi sexual is someone who cannot have sex with someone unless there is a mental connection.
Clearly i would have no trouble having sex with Master. The mental connection i have with Him is beyond words of explaining.
So anyway, when Master knew i needed something physical added into my life, it was difficult for me. At first it felt like cheating. i was worried that my connection (mental) with Master would change.
Master said it would change only if i allowed it to. i haven't, but i am wondering about another thing.
Being that i am a demi sexual, i am going to grow into connecting with a play partner. We did have a connection prior to playing because otherwise i wouldn't be able to do it. Master knows this as well.
So what if i wanted to start a relationship with a play partner? How would this happen? It would have to be someone who knew about Master, because Master would still be in control of me, and this person would have to be okay with that. Is this even feasible? Is it possible?
Much more to think on regarding this matter. Sometimes getting my thoughts down here is helpful...
When Master and i first were involved with each other, it was hard for me to control how i felt for Him. i could have said that i was "in" love with Him. Even though neither one of us want (nor had we ever) wanted a relationship where there is a "relationship" between us. We both wanted to stay exactly where we were mentally. He is very happy in parts of His vanilla world, as am i. That will never change. So my love for Him grew, but also changed.
Okay so, with all that being said, i'm not sure many know that i am a demi sexual.
Just to clear this up, a demi sexual is someone who cannot have sex with someone unless there is a mental connection.
Clearly i would have no trouble having sex with Master. The mental connection i have with Him is beyond words of explaining.
So anyway, when Master knew i needed something physical added into my life, it was difficult for me. At first it felt like cheating. i was worried that my connection (mental) with Master would change.
Master said it would change only if i allowed it to. i haven't, but i am wondering about another thing.
Being that i am a demi sexual, i am going to grow into connecting with a play partner. We did have a connection prior to playing because otherwise i wouldn't be able to do it. Master knows this as well.
So what if i wanted to start a relationship with a play partner? How would this happen? It would have to be someone who knew about Master, because Master would still be in control of me, and this person would have to be okay with that. Is this even feasible? Is it possible?
Much more to think on regarding this matter. Sometimes getting my thoughts down here is helpful...
Monday, March 28, 2016
3.28.16 Need a connection
The last few weeks have been quiet. Master has been very busy, and i have been very busy. We haven't had much time with each other. It's unfortunate that life gets in the way sometimes. Nothing that can be done about it. i can only imagine how our lives would be if we were closer. i often day dream of that. Some days i often wonder if that will come true. Being closer to each other. i know that being a full time submissive is what makes me happy, as i am happy now. i can't imagine how happy i would be submitting in person. The sheer thought of it makes me smile.
i think this week will be another busy week, but next Monday i believe i will be free. Hopefully Master and i can make a connection then.
What do i mean by a connection? Well, when Master connects with me physically i feel a better connection.
How does He do that? Wondering because of the LDR?
He has me do things. Physical things. Those physical things He has me do makes me connect to Him more mentally. It's hard to explain.
i think it's because when He has me do those physical things, it's an order. Not that i don't have orders during a regular day, but because it's a physical thing, it makes it stronger. More "there".
Do you have a way you reconnect with your Master? How can we help each other here? What tips do you have? Any? I'd always appreciate a tip. Even confidential. lovingbea1971@gmail.com.
Don't get me wrong. i am always connected to Him. Some days just feel stronger than others. i know that He feels it too. i think that when there is a good Dom/sub relationship, you can both feel it.
i think this week will be another busy week, but next Monday i believe i will be free. Hopefully Master and i can make a connection then.
What do i mean by a connection? Well, when Master connects with me physically i feel a better connection.
How does He do that? Wondering because of the LDR?
He has me do things. Physical things. Those physical things He has me do makes me connect to Him more mentally. It's hard to explain.
i think it's because when He has me do those physical things, it's an order. Not that i don't have orders during a regular day, but because it's a physical thing, it makes it stronger. More "there".
Do you have a way you reconnect with your Master? How can we help each other here? What tips do you have? Any? I'd always appreciate a tip. Even confidential. lovingbea1971@gmail.com.
Don't get me wrong. i am always connected to Him. Some days just feel stronger than others. i know that He feels it too. i think that when there is a good Dom/sub relationship, you can both feel it.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Saturday, March 26, 2016
3.25.16 AND 3.26.16 Ugh and oops......
3.25.16
i didn't blog last night as i was supposed to. i, most likely, will be punished for it, but there was a reason i didn't.
A vanilla friend had come over. Her husband left her and she is distraught and still going through some major emotional issues. We sat at the kitchen table and drank vodka for 5 hours. Clearly when she left, i went to bed and passed out.
Made me think how lucky i am to have the relationship i do with Master. There are guidelines. i know what will come and what won't. i have no surprises unless they are good ones. Granted it is long distance, and i hope someday that will change, but i feel that i have never been happier in any vanilla relationship that i am now. This lifestyle, this Dom/sub relationship, is what i am and what i will always need.
3.26.16
Total vanilla day. The parental units are in amidst. Was working all day while my mother was in the office with me, and then going out to dinner with my mother and father soon. As i sit here and type about my lifestyle, the 2 of them are talking to me. i'm finding it quite funny. Dam, if they only knew - ha!!
Oliver is expected to come over later. We were unable to have sex the other night, well because of some stuff, and i'm hoping we can tonight. It is sad that he will be away for a week. i will be lonely and i will miss him as well. A lot.
So busy busy weekend. i hope Master is enjoying His weekend. i do think of Him constantly. As always, i look forward to Monday.
Until tomorrow, ..... Happy Easter!
i didn't blog last night as i was supposed to. i, most likely, will be punished for it, but there was a reason i didn't.
A vanilla friend had come over. Her husband left her and she is distraught and still going through some major emotional issues. We sat at the kitchen table and drank vodka for 5 hours. Clearly when she left, i went to bed and passed out.
Made me think how lucky i am to have the relationship i do with Master. There are guidelines. i know what will come and what won't. i have no surprises unless they are good ones. Granted it is long distance, and i hope someday that will change, but i feel that i have never been happier in any vanilla relationship that i am now. This lifestyle, this Dom/sub relationship, is what i am and what i will always need.
3.26.16
Total vanilla day. The parental units are in amidst. Was working all day while my mother was in the office with me, and then going out to dinner with my mother and father soon. As i sit here and type about my lifestyle, the 2 of them are talking to me. i'm finding it quite funny. Dam, if they only knew - ha!!
Oliver is expected to come over later. We were unable to have sex the other night, well because of some stuff, and i'm hoping we can tonight. It is sad that he will be away for a week. i will be lonely and i will miss him as well. A lot.
So busy busy weekend. i hope Master is enjoying His weekend. i do think of Him constantly. As always, i look forward to Monday.
Until tomorrow, ..... Happy Easter!
Thursday, March 24, 2016
3.24.16 Random thoughts
Crazy boring day today. Nothing is of interest. i want to get out of my office like nobody's business. The weather is too nice to be stuck inside all day. Take me to the beach!!!!
Yes, Master and i speak all day, but it has been just a regular day for us. Like in all relationships. Just general conversation. That's okay i'm not complaining at all. Nothing can be all crazy/woo hoo everyday. LDR's have "regular" days too. Hey we are normal ya' know! Just kinky!
i've been talking to a new friend that i met on Lit. He's now signed up on Fet and i think he is really enjoying it. i've seen some of his posts, etc. He is a Dom, but not one that wants anything but a friendship from me. Just someone to talk to about the lifestyle, ideas, and things like that. i like it.
Master has been thinking, today, of other things that i can do for Him. Like the next time i perform self bondage He wants me to be thinking of something specific. Something specifically about Him. i know i can think of one thing ;)!
We are also going to be launching a website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Master and i are both very excited about it. i do enjoy sharing what i go through as a long distance submissive. i'd like to ask if there is anything that you would like to know about, or have any questions, please reach out and ask. If you don't feel comfortable doing it publicly, my email address is
Yes, Master and i speak all day, but it has been just a regular day for us. Like in all relationships. Just general conversation. That's okay i'm not complaining at all. Nothing can be all crazy/woo hoo everyday. LDR's have "regular" days too. Hey we are normal ya' know! Just kinky!
i've been talking to a new friend that i met on Lit. He's now signed up on Fet and i think he is really enjoying it. i've seen some of his posts, etc. He is a Dom, but not one that wants anything but a friendship from me. Just someone to talk to about the lifestyle, ideas, and things like that. i like it.
Master has been thinking, today, of other things that i can do for Him. Like the next time i perform self bondage He wants me to be thinking of something specific. Something specifically about Him. i know i can think of one thing ;)!
We are also going to be launching a website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Master and i are both very excited about it. i do enjoy sharing what i go through as a long distance submissive. i'd like to ask if there is anything that you would like to know about, or have any questions, please reach out and ask. If you don't feel comfortable doing it publicly, my email address is
lovingbea1971@gmail.com
Please don't hesitate to reach out.
Random.....................Master said i could be *ucked tonight!!!! Please touch the g spot, please touch the g spot - LOL!
A total major vanilla weekend is commencing in 3...2...1....! BLAH!!!!! The parental units will be in town visiting. i love them and all, but, well you know....................
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